I went to the hair place and got lost in Gaithersburg with Shannon. It was soo much fun cuz we also got Breakfast and Starbucks. Those Asians need to lean how to speak god damn english! yeay for red heads!

Got the Dahsboard Confessional and Shins CD, as well as PS single.

The cabin was cancelled  but I get to go to the Simply shirt-making thing

George and sushi.

"It could either be the best thing that I could have done, or I could really be fucking myself."

1/2 day friday and Cabin next (xtended) weekend

Nashville in 2 weeks

ok I love you all

A week ago Geroge and I went out to Bethesda. We wanted to eat at Cosi's, but it was full. Then we wanted to see a movie but it was too late. Although we did end up seeing "Hotel Rwanda" we ended up getting Cheesecake and hot chocolate at Starbucks in Barnes and Noble. It was so nice and even somewhat romantic. .. although I know I shouldn't see it for more than it is - a friendship, but Bethesda was truly just happiness at that point. We didn't talk much and things were interesting, but then again both of us were exhausted from chool & work. Overall it wa a pleasant evening.
I have realized it is never gonna be more than a friendship and as that is sinking in, I am respecting the friendship more and more. He is really one of the friends that I can 100% trust and not feel embarrassedor ashamed to talk about anything, which is the most valuable thing ever.

I am also slowly setteling inot my new classes. Mr. Bescher is somewhat annoying for the fact that he says Austrians are Germans ... AUSTRIANS ARE SO NOT GERMANS, but he's a cool guy otherwise. I miss Field just because he's field, but the other teachers are pretty cool. I actually have an A in math right now, which is so freakingly weird, but I can live with it. Maybe it's cuz I switched teachers ... but Mr. Figer was still awesome.

We had to do an anatomy project ... I chose Narcolepsy as did Jon and Paul. I went over to his house with Jon to work on it ... turned out OK, I observed how to use power point and di my project too. Narcolepsy is a strange disorder ... I am so glad that I no longer have weirdness with either of them and that I can really be myself now.

I am so scared of Barillo! I look -up to him so much and am so intimidated, yet it pisses me off when he has Simply rehersal aon Monday and then schedules my number in blast for Friday. I mean it's fine for me to take off on Monday for Blast / Simply / the Diner, but I put on my resume that I have wrok and my hours... I would have to speak with Hazara about the issue, but although she's nice, she scares me too. Maybe I go speak to Mr. Figer? He's a cool guy and easy to talk to ... I'll deal with it monday.

I saw M*A*S*H today ... the matinee. The acting and stage were both amazing, but sadly the play itself was kinda boring ... confusing ... and the lack of plot was a disadvantage to those who didn't watch the show. Despite the drawbacks, I still enjoyed it very much.

Jason asked me out today ... which was kinda weird. Yes, I feel bad that I don't wanna go out with him, but I don't really trust him either. Besides Arras growled at him, so he's def. not my type ... also ... ever hear of satiatory rape? ... I know I like older guys, but hes waaaayyyy to old.

Also saw "The Wedding Date" today with Caroline. It was a good movie. And last Saturday's "Finding Neverland" was amazing. Johnny Depp is hott, and I love Kate Winslet, yet still it was not Garden State awesome.

Garden State should be nominated & get an Odcar ... too bad.

... I need to really let it all go and move on.

English class is interesting in the afternoon ... Hehe .. Ying-Yang
 

Currently Playing Horse of a Different Color By Big & Rich see related

- Holy Water

Yeay!!! Ok I dun really know why I'm so happy

In Love??? What?!? That kinda scary ... *tear* It's like your hand is slipping away, yet I'm still clutching on with my pinky ... *sniff* .. ARIZONA!!!! hehe love is a funny subject. Kiss me already ... Goddamnit ... if only my heart would stop pownding so hard. This hasn't come up since like a year ago ... no longer than that ... 3 years. I am so confused ... just don't leave,                         yet.

Anyways ... now that nobody has any clue about how weird I am ... how is everyone on these fine days of finals? I am so screwed, cuz I went:

B, B - English (fine)
C, C - Anatomy (ok)
B, C - Modern World (shit)
A, A - Art (excellent!)
A, A - Simply (amazing!)
C, D - Algebra 2 (I hate Math X 102) (fuck)
A,B - Chemistry (whatever)

wow, now all of you know how lazy I've gotten and how bad I am in my acedemics ... yeah I really gotta study for Algebra, Modern World, and Anatomy. I really don't care if I get a B in Chemistry, but I need to save myself from the D in math (even though I despise the subject, and envy ppl who understand it like Sabeastian & 'lil Peczner - no hard feelings) and keep the B in Modern World. The reality is, since I wasn't doing a play/musical/anything I slacked off big time. In addition I was not having a greater purpose in life mixed with slight sadness / lonelyness / confusion / and misplacement  that led to this downfall in my grades, thus I am actually gonna study hard for exams and try to get my grades up - otherwise no Colorado College.

In order to keep myself busy I decided to take a job at the Poolesville Vet Hospital. The other day I drove Ricky home, as I so often do, and we went joyriding through Poolesville, until we randomly walked into this Vet facility and I applied for a job. At first the lady at the desk was reluctant, but one I identified Gary Alllen on the radio and told her I was a country fan, I had a place in the doctors office and was offered a job. So Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I will be working at a Veterinarian helping out with the animals, cleaning, and even some lab work!!! which is so awesome cuz usually one has to have gone through some Vet. School in order to actually work with the animals ... so score for me! On the downside that will probably disable me from doing BLAST, but I decided that the Vet is a 1nce in a lifetime opportunity, and I need to take it as it comes. I mean I love the music and all, and the ppl and Barillo, but reality is the Vet. will look better on me resume, and I will be able to see if I wanna become a Vet. or not. Besides, I get payed $9.00 an hour - I shouldn't complain. And if I can't perform for Blast, I'll do tech just to keep up with the gossip and everything.  

I saw the Aviator on Carolines Birthday and In Good Company last night. Today George came over and we saw Garden State (best movie ever) and part of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind as well as theGolden globes preview. It was a fun day along with ice cream, m&ms and tostitos chips.

Friday night I went bowling with Jeff, Stephanie Dobberstein, Carly and Stephanie Faigen. I didn't know Faigen very well, to be hnest I felt somewhat intimidated by her, but soon enough we became very well acquainted and friends. I had the lowest score with 36, and recieved the title "Gutter-ball" as well as Huntress ... yeay I get to be feminine! Along with that I got a spare by bowling on my tummy, which is my most successful bowling strategy.

The Huntress thing brings me to another issue ... me not knowing me ...
I have decided I am neither the Potomac Bitch nor Southern Belle, but I know I lay somewhere in the middle, and that's ok, nbot everything is black or white, I can be gray. One of my dearest friends helped me find myself, and let me notice that it was ok to be confised, scared, and even cry every now and then. So thanks a lot! Along with that, I hope to finish my book by July (suprises?) so that I can feel complete.

Ok, so now I gotta go look for my cellphone, I think I left it in my car, and after Imma put some of my book onto PC, so I can re-write from a floppy. I'm so excited   .. and check out the colleges...

My College List (alphabetically):

~ Allegheny College (#10)
~ Austin College (#9)
~ Colorado College (#1)
~ Beloit College (#8)
~ Emory University (#7)
~ Gettysburg College (#11)
~ Kenyon College (#3)
~ New York University (#4)
~ Oberlin College (#6)
~ St. Mary's College (#5)
~ Whittier College (#2)

Currently Playing Give Up By Postal Service see related

Ok so like 5 ppl have asked me whether I should really write everything in this and let it be on my profile. Especially the stuff on Paul etc. since he would be able to read it.

My conclusion is all the thoughts on this damned website are thoughts in the moment. I thought I really saw something in Paul, thought I could love him (I'm so stupid), but obviousely I'm not his type of girl, and he's not my type of guy. No hard feelings, I went overbord with everything as always, and I am acutally finally content w/ myself. I have no clue how he would react to any of this, or if he even reads my xanga (or even cares), reality is - if we could even be friends, then there wouldn't be awkwardness and I feel like sometimes there is. He's a nice guy, but in reality I don't know him 1/2 as well as I thought I did - my flaw and mistake. I was worried I would be categories amongst the Peczner "fans" but in relaity, I placed myself there.

In the end, I'm living on, I am getting sick of my own drama actually. If we could even be considered friends, he would IM me once every now and then, but he doesn't so I guess were not really friends, more aquaintances. But it's all good!

... I have a ferret who's attacking a plastic bag

I feel like I've messed up with some of my friendships, but it's a new year, I need to try to fix / mend my grounds with some people and take life a breath at a time. Some of my dearest firends I have taken for granted, and that is one thing I don't ever wanna do again! I love you all!

Currently Playing Garden State By Various Artists see related

- "Only Livin' Boy in NY", "Let Go", "Such Great Heights"

I saw the most inspirational movie the other day, met the most interesting people and have decided to re-arrange my life.

Ok so first of all I met a guy who is not my soulmate or anything, but a mirror image of what I expect in the right guy for me. Thus Paul, Stephen, George, and everyone else at CHS is ruled out. I am mad at myself for utting myself in drama, just for the pleasure of it, when deep down I didn't really care for certain ppl ... or not even hafl as much as I seemed to. Thus I left an image of myself in their minds, that isn't me at all .. oh well, life will go on.

So I saw Garden State after Caroline bought the soundtrack. I think the person 'Sam' in the movie is my mirror, resembling the random not caring me, as well as the pet burrying dedicated, searching for love that I don't believe in me. Also, her talking to random ppl and then going out with them, kinda seems like something I would do. So after watching that film, it's like I've reached my own Nirvana, and in response to this I need to go back to who I really am.

Showchoir - something I take pride in and I love, but not something I would die for or life for. I don't know if the other Simply members would think the same way I do, but I love them all dearly and appreciate the bonding and the performing, but nevertheless, it's not all who I am. It has become a part of me because of past images of happiness, that never truly revealed a single ounce of complesion. But then again my problem is that happiness seemed to be completion to me, when in contrast, being Okay can meen being happy.

Other thing - the whole Paul thing. God I was such an ideot to like him. Not only did I think I liked him, which I in the end regret acting upon, cuz he's not who I expected, but I thought I saw something I am missing in him, when in reality it's missing in him too. I thought we could at least be good friends, but that feeling that he might think I am implying something and that showdow of "what is he thinking"? has gotten to be pathetic. Thus I see him as a talented and nice guy, but so not what I expected. I think we're more alike in some ways than he knows, but he's too blind and wound up in hsi own affairs to see it, but thats okay, I truly no longer give a shit.

About two weeks ago my friends came over for my birthday. I got the ferret, Cooper, 2 weeks before then and am happy as can be. My parents got me a Scion and I can not complain at all. Christmas was nice too and this break has been somewhat of an awkward yet fullfilling experience. I dread the work coming up in school, but am happy to refind myself.

As for the rest of life - i think I'm gonna go check out some colleges and see what information I can get. I need to plan isits and prioritize my life a bit, while looking at possible career opportunities. I dread getting out into 'the real world' ... whatever tat is ... but it's just another little bump in the road that must be driven over.